The Tao of George

As I sit here aboard Southwest flight 1556 on my way back to LAX I can’t help but feel sad to see my first real vacation in years come to an end.  Memories from the past few weeks are flying by my window alongside the clouds above the Bay Area as Craig David’s “Insomnia” song is bumping along through my headphones.  That Wonder Girls song “Nobody” is another song that will forever be stuck in my head and associated with the P.I.

From our arrival in Manila, to the weekend in Tagaytay with everyone, the shopping, the trips to the gym we squeezed in and up to our final departure it’s been a continuous flow of warmth and love through and through.  Enough to bring tears to my eyes when I think of how much I miss each and every one of my family members there.  I’m man enough to admit that I started tearing up during the first round of goodbyes.  As I apologized to my uncle and aunts for taking so long to come visit, my freakin tear ducts went ballistic and before I knew it – tears.  Ugh.  I told them I wouldn’t make the same mistake twice and that I would definitely be back.  Before entering the terminal to go through immigration, I hugged all my aunts and uncles one last time.   After I hugged Auntie Ko I had to look away from everyone as I waved bye with my free hand, too scared of losing it even more.  I knew from the day of my arrival that these last moments would be as incredibly painful as it was incredibly exciting to be returning to the motherland.  I hate always being right.

In the 21 year gap since I was last in the Philippines I missed some really monumental occasions.  Both grandparents on my father’s side and mother’s side had passed away.  I really loved my Lola Mama and Lola Auntie and knowing that I never got a chance to say goodbye has secretly eaten me up since their passing.  My Uncle June passed away as well.  Some nieces and a nephew were born as well.

I tried my best to close that 21 year gap.  Every moment I could hug someone, I did.  Every hand I could hold for a second, I would.  Despite the distance, my cousins and I on my mother’s side have always been very close.  Some of them, like Grace and Joseph, I had seen a few times throughout the years.  Others, like Mary Anne and Ate Christine, I hadn’t seen since I was a strapping lad at 12.  Yet we all picked up like we had grown up next door to each other all our lives.  TonyBoy’s wife, Michelle, said that she was amazed herself at how easily everyone seemed to just… connect.  When I thought about it, it really was quite amazing how all of us can get together despite the time difference and be so open with one another and giving.  I suppose when you feel love flowing your way unfettered and so open with no strings attached, it’s easy to open yourself up and do the same.  That seems to be the key to us kooky Del Morals.  Whether we’re Diaz’s or Soliman’s now.  Marfori’s , Francisco’s or Quiambao’s.

Philippines, January 2010.  In the short time I was there I was able to reconnect with a place and people that were mere shadows of memory to me.  In rediscovering them, I found my own answers as to why I am the way I am.  Who I am.  As well as new lenses upon which to look upon my own life and where I’m going.  I had the time of my life there.  Thank you so much to all the uncles, aunts and cousins that helped me rediscover that side of myself that had been dormant for so long.  I’ll be back soon.  Promise.

Pictures coming soon too.  Promise.  Or you can look at them all here : http://picasaweb.google.com/georgediaz

I’ve come to realize that one of the greatest mistakes I’ll ever have made in this life is to not have stopped working once in a while to come and visit my family here. Already I’m jealous of my sister and the two return trips here that she’s made. My relatives here are every bit as warm and inviting as I remember them being as a child. The only change being that the passage of time has been kind to others and not so much to some.

My nephew and nieces are so ridiculously cute. It saddens me much to know that I’ve never had a place in their childhood and probably never will beyond this sudden flash visit (and hopefully a few more in the future), so I make the most of my time here. I joke and try to pull the older nieces out of their shy shells, but they seem somewhat intimidated by my awesome command of the tagalog language. Tengo el gato mis pantalones.

As members of the older generation, time hasn’t been as kind to some of my aunts and uncles and the same helpless feeling I get when I see it’s passage wearing away at my mother and father sets in when I greet and hug each of them. It’s such a stark contrast to how clearly I remember their strength and how vibrant they were when I was younger. I wish with all my heart that I had done so much more with myself so that I’d be in a better position to help everyone more, but I am what I am. I remember them all to be such giving and nurturing uncles and aunts, if I could give them the shirt off my back I would.

Enough emo-ness though. People here are MUCH more friendly than they are stateside. Maybe that’s not really the case and it’s all a front, but they’re very good at seeming sincere. I’m not sure what it is. All the gas stations are full service, so you don’t have to get out of your car to fill ‘er up. I haven’t had to open many doors when going shopping because there are guards at most doors to open them for you. Even when you’re backing up into a spot, random people will help guide you into your spot to make sure that you don’t hit anything. Everyone calls you “sir” or “m’am” here, just to be safe I guess. The little touches make a huge difference though. Not that my ego needs stroking, but it’s an extra level of effort in deference that I don’t see much in the states.

So far I’m really REALLY enjoying my visit here. I’m enjoying hanging out with my cousins and uncles and aunts that I haven’t seen in ages. Even as I write this a feeling of sadness is fluttering in as my mind acknowledges that by this time next week, I’ll be home. I do miss home and everyone there, but this visit feels much too short.

Joseph, Glo-Anne and I spent the day in Tarlac yesterday and came back with most everyone there.  We were supposed to leave early for Tagaytay today, yet here I am at 9:30am still waiting for everyone to finish their showers.  At least it gave me  an opportunity to throw up a quick update.  I really can’t wait to get these pics  retroactively inserted here.