You pickin up what I’m droppin?

There and back again.

January 16th, 2010

As I sit here aboard Southwest flight 1556 on my way back to LAX I can’t help but feel sad to see my first real vacation in years come to an end.  Memories from the past few weeks are flying by my window alongside the clouds above the Bay Area as Craig David’s “Insomnia” song is bumping along through my headphones.  That Wonder Girls song “Nobody” is another song that will forever be stuck in my head and associated with the P.I.

From our arrival in Manila, to the weekend in Tagaytay with everyone, the shopping, the trips to the gym we squeezed in and up to our final departure it’s been a continuous flow of warmth and love through and through.  Enough to bring tears to my eyes when I think of how much I miss each and every one of my family members there.  I’m man enough to admit that I started tearing up during the first round of goodbyes.  As I apologized to my uncle and aunts for taking so long to come visit, my freakin tear ducts went ballistic and before I knew it – tears.  Ugh.  I told them I wouldn’t make the same mistake twice and that I would definitely be back.  Before entering the terminal to go through immigration, I hugged all my aunts and uncles one last time.   After I hugged Auntie Ko I had to look away from everyone as I waved bye with my free hand, too scared of losing it even more.  I knew from the day of my arrival that these last moments would be as incredibly painful as it was incredibly exciting to be returning to the motherland.  I hate always being right.

In the 21 year gap since I was last in the Philippines I missed some really monumental occasions.  Both grandparents on my father’s side and mother’s side had passed away.  I really loved my Lola Mama and Lola Auntie and knowing that I never got a chance to say goodbye has secretly eaten me up since their passing.  My Uncle June passed away as well.  Some nieces and a nephew were born as well.

I tried my best to close that 21 year gap.  Every moment I could hug someone, I did.  Every hand I could hold for a second, I would.  Despite the distance, my cousins and I on my mother’s side have always been very close.  Some of them, like Grace and Joseph, I had seen a few times throughout the years.  Others, like Mary Anne and Ate Christine, I hadn’t seen since I was a strapping lad at 12.  Yet we all picked up like we had grown up next door to each other all our lives.  TonyBoy’s wife, Michelle, said that she was amazed herself at how easily everyone seemed to just… connect.  When I thought about it, it really was quite amazing how all of us can get together despite the time difference and be so open with one another and giving.  I suppose when you feel love flowing your way unfettered and so open with no strings attached, it’s easy to open yourself up and do the same.  That seems to be the key to us kooky Del Morals.  Whether we’re Diaz’s or Soliman’s now.  Marfori’s , Francisco’s or Quiambao’s.

Philippines, January 2010.  In the short time I was there I was able to reconnect with a place and people that were mere shadows of memory to me.  In rediscovering them, I found my own answers as to why I am the way I am.  Who I am.  As well as new lenses upon which to look upon my own life and where I’m going.  I had the time of my life there.  Thank you so much to all the uncles, aunts and cousins that helped me rediscover that side of myself that had been dormant for so long.  I’ll be back soon.  Promise.

Pictures coming soon too.  Promise.  Or you can look at them all here : http://picasaweb.google.com/georgediaz

Never Enough Time.

January 8th, 2010

I’ve come to realize that one of the greatest mistakes I’ll ever have made in this life is to not have stopped working once in a while to come and visit my family here. Already I’m jealous of my sister and the two return trips here that she’s made. My relatives here are every bit as warm and inviting as I remember them being as a child. The only change being that the passage of time has been kind to others and not so much to some.

My nephew and nieces are so ridiculously cute. It saddens me much to know that I’ve never had a place in their childhood and probably never will beyond this sudden flash visit (and hopefully a few more in the future), so I make the most of my time here. I joke and try to pull the older nieces out of their shy shells, but they seem somewhat intimidated by my awesome command of the tagalog language. Tengo el gato mis pantalones.

As members of the older generation, time hasn’t been as kind to some of my aunts and uncles and the same helpless feeling I get when I see it’s passage wearing away at my mother and father sets in when I greet and hug each of them. It’s such a stark contrast to how clearly I remember their strength and how vibrant they were when I was younger. I wish with all my heart that I had done so much more with myself so that I’d be in a better position to help everyone more, but I am what I am. I remember them all to be such giving and nurturing uncles and aunts, if I could give them the shirt off my back I would.

Enough emo-ness though. People here are MUCH more friendly than they are stateside. Maybe that’s not really the case and it’s all a front, but they’re very good at seeming sincere. I’m not sure what it is. All the gas stations are full service, so you don’t have to get out of your car to fill ‘er up. I haven’t had to open many doors when going shopping because there are guards at most doors to open them for you. Even when you’re backing up into a spot, random people will help guide you into your spot to make sure that you don’t hit anything. Everyone calls you “sir” or “m’am” here, just to be safe I guess. The little touches make a huge difference though. Not that my ego needs stroking, but it’s an extra level of effort in deference that I don’t see much in the states.

So far I’m really REALLY enjoying my visit here. I’m enjoying hanging out with my cousins and uncles and aunts that I haven’t seen in ages. Even as I write this a feeling of sadness is fluttering in as my mind acknowledges that by this time next week, I’ll be home. I do miss home and everyone there, but this visit feels much too short.

Joseph, Glo-Anne and I spent the day in Tarlac yesterday and came back with most everyone there.  We were supposed to leave early for Tagaytay today, yet here I am at 9:30am still waiting for everyone to finish their showers.  At least it gave me  an opportunity to throw up a quick update.  I really can’t wait to get these pics  retroactively inserted here.

New Year’s Eve in the Homeland

December 31st, 2009

Greetings to everyone in the U.S.!  I’m from the future!  Yes!  I am speaking to you from January 1st while you have yet to experience New Year’s Eve!

All silliness aside, we arrived safely in the Philippines and have since been happily kept busy catching up with relatives.  We’ve only hung out with my Auntie Glory and her family so far, but today we’re taking off for Tarlac for some pre-wedding (one of my cousins) festivities of some sort.  So we’ll be seeing the rest of the relatives on my mother’s side.  I haven’t seen everyone else that we’ll be seeing later today since I was… 12?  Man, haven’t been this excited in a while.  Can’t wait to see  everyone.

While everyone had some downtime my cousin and I hit the gym nearby.  It was nicer than the 24hr fitness gyms I normally go to.  A lot cleaner too!  Damn you ghetto 24!  We washed up, came home to eat for a bit then hit the mall/market to exchange some dollah dollah bills for pesos and to do a little shopping.  I picked up a little turtle backpack and 3 decks of pokemon cards for less than $12 total for my godkid.  Score!!

New Year’s Eve was pretty ridiculous.  In a good way.  I would have probably enjoyed it more if I hadn’t insisted on powering through without sleep, but I managed.  My uncle bought a bunch of rockets and these loud fiery bangy things and my cousins went nuts setting them all off.  It was great.  All up and down the streets fireworks were going off and horns honking.  There was so much smoke from all the fireworks you could barely see the sky – but it was still really REALLY fun.

Of course, someone had to go and set something on fire so you could hear fire engines in the background as they rushed to whatever  it was that was set ablaze in all the festivities.  We were all ok though.  My mother and aunt tried to call our other aunts and relatives afterwards – and I passed out.  Exhausted.  But pretty happy.

Miss the gf and my dogs though.  Speaking of food, among lots of other good food, I ate a cooked jellyfish last night.  I’m going to try to keep an open mind about the food here while I visit so I’m going to try whatever I can – within reason of course.  Jellyfish wasn’t half bad.  Almost kinda chewy.

Stir Crazy.

December 30th, 2009

It’s just about 7am, the lights came on and woke most everyone else on the plane up. I have no idea how people in the old days could stand such long flights, much less boat rides from one continent to the other. I’m pretty close to  stabbing myself with my toothbrush.  My little flatpanel tv isn’t working for my seat and already I’m getting stir crazy. I kill some time here and there talkin to the lady next to me about how Philippine Airlines isn’t impressing me much with the busted tvs and the gross Kung Pao chicken, but there’s only so much fat you can chew with random strangers.  I’m glad I prepared myself somewhat for this scenario by loading up my netbook and iphone with some movies, but sitting still for so long is still a pain.  I wonder if I might be slightly claustrophobic.

Travelling with me are my mom and sister. My mother is handling the flight a lot better than I thought she would.  During takeoff and the many bouts of turbulence she was visibly scared but she seems to have relaxed quite a bit. When she’s scared she clutches her prayer books close and starts whispering her “Hail Mary”s and “Our Father”s.  While my sister’s in the bathroom, I sit next to her and hold her hand.  The contact with someone familiar helps to sooth her a bit more.  It’s been a while since she’s seen her brother and sisters so I know that while she doesn’t say and act like it, she’s pretty excited to be going back.  The last time she saw 2 of her sisters was earlier in May. Uncle Boy, Auntie Ko and Auntie Dolly she hasn’t seen in years. I haven’t seen them since I was *yay high*, you can’t see my hand but it’s not far off the ground.  Boy are they in for a surprise.

I can’t even imagine going so long without seeing my brothers and sister. We’re not the most open family about our feelings and other mushy crap like that, but I like to think that we’re pretty close.   I can’t really imagine NOT seeing them all for Christmas and New Year’s.

Ooh. Breakfast is being served. To be continued… or not.  We’re ALMOST there…

Plane Farts.

December 30th, 2009

If there’s one thing that really irks me about long plane rides, it’s the plane fart phenomena. I can handle the turbulence, the bad food, the cramped space and the stewardesses who aren’t near as hot as they are in the movies. The plane farts however, they slay me.

What I hate about them is that when you catch that revolting whiff going through your nose you literally can not – do – ANYTHING. You can’t even acknowledge you smelled it, out of fear that people will think it was probably you that cut it up in the first place. Y’know the old adage “he who smelt it dealt it”? As you pretend to not smell anything, you try to look around without being obvious about looking around – and everyone looks so damn innocent. Yet you KNOW that behind all those innocent guises lurks the guilty fart ninja.

You can’t go anywhere to escape either. Unless you lock yourself in the bathroom, which isn’t really an option in today’s post 9/11 world. Even if you could, the moment you walk out of there everyone will suspect you of being the source of all the other foul assaults on their olfactory systems. You have no choice. All you can do is wait it out for the duration of your trip. Hoping and praying that they don’t do it again. I’ve never really been able to ascertain whether or not fart ninjas tend to be repeat offenders or not. No two farts ever really smell the same.

Tonight I’m living through the worst of the scenarios related to that – a freakin 14 hour international flight. Oh dear god I just got hit by another one. Argh!!

The Long Wait

December 29th, 2009

My sister, mother and I are sitting here chillin in front of the International Gate @ sf International with the rest of my family. Figured I’d give the wp widget for the iPhone a shot.

So this is basically a long winded “hello world” test from my phone.

Site Resurrected!

December 29th, 2009

Yes.  It kinda blows to resurrect mid-redesign, but ah well.  I’m hoping that during my trip abroad I’ll have some time to write, reflect and record … well, whatever starts rolling around in my head.  I’ll try to be a bit more diligent about writing full out posts too.  Concrete beginning, middle and conclusion.  Instead of uploading random brain farts.

Then again, what’s wrong with a random brain fart.

there will be blood.

February 27th, 2008

two word review: “fucked up”
i wasn’t particularly interested in seeing this movie, but i needed the break and some of the gang was going to go see it. so i went. peer pressure, i art thy bitch.

i was in a really good mood before i went to go see this movie. had an extra skip in my step and a slight twinkle in my eye. if a familiar song came wafting out of nowhere and a bunch of dancers mysteriously appeared behind me and started singing along i would be headlining my very own musical. ok, maybe not that happy but you get my drift.

so i sit on down with my raisinettes and white cherry slurpee expecting a good show. how can it not be with a title called “there will be blood”? 158 minutes later i’m pissing my white cherry slurpee into the urinal and wondering what the hell i just watched. it was a good movie. hell, a great movie if you were actively looking for something like it. the thing is, that movie pretty much took my good mood, tied it up into a neat little bow and punted it into shark infested waters.

daniel day-lewis was excellent at playing one of the most complex and twisted characters not in a tim burton movie. man oh man did i flinch everytime a piece of an oil rig fell and cracked someone’s dome like an egg. heh. so, as long as you’re not expecting rays of sunshine to get blown up your ass… this might be a movie worth checking out.  you don’t have to take my word for it though.

. busy .

February 27th, 2008

to say that i’ve been busy would be an understatement.

very much like saying guys are dogs. and women never know what they want. or that michael jackson looks kinda pale.

i loved working at the ‘hoo, but there’s definitely something rewarding about being at the start of something. time will tell if it’ll be something huge, but being at ground zero and slinging the same blood in the same mud with people who have just as much a vested interest in the product as you do…and so obviously care about the product – is pretty fulfilling. it’s reawakened something in me that i had worried was fading and has made me realize how invaluable my time at the ‘hoo has been. i don’t care what you google bandwagon jumpers say. outside of search and maps, yahoo pretty consistently beats the snot out of the rest of google’s offerings. and how many of you can REALLY discern how much different search results are from one search engine to another? heh.

here’s a sneak peek at what i’ve been up to the past few weeks:  http://test.getback.com

y’know, i never really understood the fascination with pinball before i got here, but now that i’ve got one on the other side of my cube. i kinda get it. sure you can’t shoot people with rocket launchers or drive tanks in them, but there’s something oddly simplistic and satisfying about smacking that ball around and scoring big. or maybe i’ve turned into an even bigger geek than i was last year.

i’m really lovin the new mac i have. wish i had the time to fully transition over to it as my primary dev machine. i should clone myself and kick me in the nuts just for typing that.

to say that i need sleep would be an understatement.

very much like saying all guys think about is sex. or women can’t drive. or that jessica alba’s baby daddy is one lucky mofo.

sometimes i like to take a break from it all and wallow in lowbrow humor. cracked.com rocks – http://www.cracked.com/article_15853_6-cutest-animals-that-can-still-destroy-you.html

love, heh.

February 14th, 2008

since everyone in the office took off to be with their loved ones or to sob uncontrollably into their pillows about how life is so unfair, i decided to change the scenery a bit tonight and packed up my gear to go work at a cafe nearby. i figure what an awesome chance to pick up chicks. strike while they’re hangin out at a cafe, emotionally vulnerable after a long day of watching/hearing friends squeal with happiness with delivery after delivery of flower bouquets. oh yeah baby. come to daddy, he’ll make you feel better. kidding. kinda. slightly. just a bit.

so here i am at a table in Novel Cafe. instead of sitting next to a ridiculously cute chick with pouty lips running her hands over my shaved head, i’m next to a monkey who clearly regards michael bolton as a personal hero. a monkey who also seems to lack the inborn volume control knob that most people have. so here i am held captive (along with his date), forced to listen to him rattle off about a girl who (in his past) liked him, but couldn’t have liked him (cause she had a bf), but certainly acted like she liked him… and oh man what a great big mess that was. his little story did manage to get me thinking about all my random forays into the world of amore though. random women i haven’t thought about in a long time. from super cute phoebe in 2nd grade to the onionbutt always reading her book on the elliptical machine at the gym. from my date to my first ROTC ball to gf#3. it’s funny how the random people that pass into your life affect you. damn you monkey for pushing me down this sentimental path and damn you peter cetera in the background helping him!


i remember one day in particular, bumming around the kitchen as a kid. mom had placed some cookies in the oven and i was waiting around for it. sittin on the floor. lyin on the floor. sittin on the floor again. imagining animals in the soundproofing snowy stuff on the ceiling.”ok, they should be done. you can get them now,” she said.”OK!” i said as i leaped up and flung open the oven door.what happened next has gone down as one of the moments in my life forever seared into my memory. right up there with the time i stuck a metal fork into an electrical outlet in the philippines as a kid.

in my excitement i forgot to put the oven mitts on and i jammed both hands into the oven and picked that pan full of chocolate chip goodness up.

my hands felt oddly cold at first and then searing heat registered through my fingertips and palms. naturally pan full of chocolate chip goodness fell and chocolate chip goodness flew all over the place as i yelled out in pain.

this story comes to mind because of a blog entry i read a while back that touched on the exact same subject and matters of the heart, an entry that really got me thinking.

“In biology, pain is a good thing. It helps you learn and not damage your physical body in the future. But in matters of the heart, although pain has a similar effect, it also has a bad side effect. And that’s this notion of not letting yourself be happy. We don’t like to get our hopes up. We don’t like to get ahead of ourselves. We like to control our level of happiness, so that that we can minimize risk and potential damage to our hearts.

But if you ask me, being half-assed happy is worse than feeling indifferent. I’d rather be cloud 9 happy or tearfully sad, rather than have to control my joy. If you’re gonna be happy, shout it out from the rooftops, dammit! If you’re gonna be sad, bawl your eyes out! Let it all out, wear your heart on your sleeve! Emotion is healthy. Bottling it all up is not. Those valleys can be dark and lonely, but those mountain tops… wow. That’s living. ”

like everyone and their moms’ i’ve had my share of burns and letdowns realtionship-wise. it’s the natural course of things when you’re trying to find a place where you … just FIT. it’s life. some people do make you question humanity. others add on to your belief that god has a spoiled pitbull that loves to use your life as his chew toy.

still, i’m with the guy above. when i look back at my relationships – gfs and girls i’ve dated, i can’t say that i’ve had any regrets. i’ve learned more about the woman i want to be with and learned a lot about the women i can’t stand. picked up on a couple of things about myself along the way too. so when i’m at a good place in my life without excess baggage from the previous relationship my heart’s like the freakin hoover dam. i know pretty much instantly if i can ever feel anything for someone, and even when i feel it… i resist like a mofo. when i know someone is truely worth goin all out for though, i get in trouble, because then the floodgates open – and i become … funny.

that’s me though. in every other aspect of my life i strive to maintain my somewhat tenuous grip on control. in my career, my dealings with friends, personal development and even the gym… will and discipline run rampant *patting belly*.

in this one thing i’ve refused to compromise. i’m either all in or i fold. tramp stamp in the lower back? fold. gives a doorknob a run for it’s money in the i.q. department? fold. loves to play with knives? fold. voodoo dolls? fold. oral fixation? objection withdrawn your honor, be over in 5. ha. really though, all or nothing. you know? you’re either willing to see everything else about that person… or you’re not. half-assing in this part of life doesn’t really get you anywhere. worse yet, you’ve got a hostage while you’re doin it.

there are definitely those contradictory moments when i’ve wanted to sit down and figure out the science of cloning so that i can clone myself just to kick my own ass. you don’t want to miss them, but you do. you don’t want to be sentimental, but you are. you don’t want to think about them, but you do. you don’t like being this way, but you are.

there’s always that part of you with your hands over your eyes… the little kid with one eye peaking through your fingers, bracing yourself for the train wreck. it’s such a huge risk… being out there with your heart open for someone to see.

it’s been a while since i’ve managed to feel that way about anyone in particular and i’ve come to realize that i’m pretty ridiculously closed off emotionally at the moment. walls n’ such. funny thing about walls though, just gotta have faith that they’ll come tumbling down when the right person comes knockin. till then, nothin else to do but to live life.

ahhh, amore. like most things in life – “risk nothing, gain nothing”.

Though things like this,
Make me sick.
In a case like this,
I’ll get away with it…
-Somebody by Depeche Mode


ooh cute girl. drat, there’s her date. haha. back to work i go.

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